Berkshire

Pinkies poised, big pants on for a scene of pure indulgence: melt in the mouth scones (cream first people), uniform cakes and diddy cucumber sandwiches with no crusts. We’re spoilt for choice in Berkshire when it comes to afternoon tea and whaddya know, it happens to be National Afternoon Tea Week! Shall I be mum?
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THE FOODIE ONE: Hind&#8217;s Head, Bray Wed 15 – Sun 19 Aug
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-13915" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2018/02/HindsHeadafternoon-tea_Fotor.jpg" alt="Hind's Head Bray Berkshire Mother's Day Afternoon Tea scones, cakes finger sandwiches and gin cocktails" width="1000" height="749" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2018/02/HindsHeadafternoon-tea_Fotor.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2018/02/HindsHeadafternoon-tea_Fotor-300x225.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2018/02/HindsHeadafternoon-tea_Fotor-768x575.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2018/02/HindsHeadafternoon-tea_Fotor-668x500.jpg 668w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" />
More tea, vicar? It would be rude not, when you&#8217;re in the duplicitous Vicar of Bray&#8217;s former digs – better known as Heston&#8217;s Michelin star <a href="http://hindsheadbray.com/events/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">Hind&#8217;s Head</a>. Take afternoon tea with a twist, in the elegantly eccentric Royal Lounge. Take a trip down memory lane with tea-smoked salmon on rye bread, Coronation chicken sarnies; fondant fancies, scones and clotted cream, washed down with a selection teas. Or just get stuck into the cocktails, no judgement. £39 pp.
<a href="https://hindsheadbray.com/events/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">hindsheadbray.com</a>
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THE CHIC ONE: The Vineyard, Stockcross
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-13892" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/TheVineyardAfternoonTea_Fotor.jpg" alt="The Vineyard Hotel Stockcross Newbury Berkshire Afternoon tea" width="1000" height="749" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/TheVineyardAfternoonTea_Fotor.jpg 1000w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/TheVineyardAfternoonTea_Fotor-300x225.jpg 300w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/TheVineyardAfternoonTea_Fotor-768x575.jpg 768w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/03/TheVineyardAfternoonTea_Fotor-668x500.jpg 668w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" />
Pinkies perfectly poised, it&#8217; 5-star all the way. <a href="http://www.the-vineyard.co.uk/afternoon-tea.asp" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The Vineyard</a> nr Newbury is one of the finest wine hotels in the UK with 30,000 bottles snuggled up in the cellar, 100 of them available by the glass. Woohoo! Throw in a legendary afternoon tea is legendary and it&#8217;s practically perfect in every way. This is the Pastry Chef&#8217;s playground, serving exquisite cakes, scones and the neatest finger sarnies ever. Choose the Champagne wine flight (is there anything else?) or a tea flight experience and your drinks will paired  to each course. *Dabs napkin and starts on the 100 glasses of wine. From £29.50pp.
<a href="http://www.the-vineyard.co.uk/afternoon-tea.asp" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">The-vineyard.co.uk</a>
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THE FANCY ONE: Cliveden &#8217;66 Traditional, Cliveden House, Taplow
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter wp-image-10333 size-full" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/08/Platinum-afternoon-tea-at-Cliveden-e1502915439291.jpg" alt="cake stand loaded with homemade scones, jam and cream, finger sandwiches and cakes at Cliveden House" width="1000" height="472" />
Whether your fancy yourself as Meghan Markle taking tea with the Queen, her gym-honed tush perfectly perched on plush velvet or Christine Keeler swinging from the chandeliers, afternoon tea at  Cliveden House is a bit speech (from £37 pp). You&#8217;ll be seated in this neo-classical pile&#8217;s Great Hall and served delicate finger sandwiches, scones with homemade jam and clotted cream with delicate pastries and cakes. Why not be truly decadent plump for the alternative T – a glass of Tattinger. Now you&#8217;re talking my language. You might as well leave the bottle, garçon.
Cliveden House, Taplow, Berkshire SL6 0JF. <a href="http://www.clivedenhouse.co.uk/dine-with-us/afternoon-tea/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">clivedenhouse.co.uk</a>
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THE MODERN ONE: Malmaison, Reading
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter wp-image-10332 size-full" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/08/Malmaison-afternoon-tea-e1502915613919.jpg" alt="Contemporary twist on Afternoon tea at Malmaison Reading " width="1000" height="683" />
If you&#8217;re looking for a tea with a twist, then pull up a chair at Malmaison. It gets full marks for the city slicker vibes, serving hot smoked salmon &amp; creme fraiche  and chipotle chicken wraps, fruit smoothies in diddy glass bottles with retro stripy straws and your choice of our specialty teas. They also do a ‘tipsy’ version with cocktails – hello Hendricks G&amp;Tea (gin, elderflower liqueur, blackberry &amp; elderflower tea syrup, lemon juice, tonic) come to mama.
Malmaison, 8-20 Station Rd, Reading RG1 1JX <a href="https://www.malmaison.com/food-drink/afternoon-tea/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">malmaison.com</a>
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THE VINTAGEY ONE: Vintage Cream Tea Whittington&#8217;s Tea Barge Reading
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter wp-image-10337" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/08/Whittigtons.jpg" alt="" width="1000" height="749" srcset="https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/08/Whittigtons.jpg 550w, https://dev.muddystilettos.co.uk/berkshire/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/08/Whittigtons-300x225.jpg 300w" sizes="(max-width: 1000px) 100vw, 1000px" />
Now this is a truly unique experience – eating scones al fresco on a narrow boat on the north bank of the river Thames alongside Christchurch Meadows in Reading. Afternoon teas don’t come quirkier. Be warned though – it’s only open Friday to Sunday. But, don’t just rock up unannounced, as it can be booked up for private parties. Expect mismatched vintage china, homemade cakes, sarnies and scones. Prices starts at £13.
Whittington&#8217;s Tea Barge, North bank of the River Thames, alongside Christchurch Meadows, Reading, RG4 8BY <a href="http://www.whittingtons-teabarge.co.uk/" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">whittingtons-teabarge.co.uk </a>
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THE ROMANTIC ONE: Coworth Park, Ascot
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter wp-image-10334 size-full" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2017/08/Coworth-Park-meadow-e1502915551238.jpg" alt="A view of Coworth Park's white exterior from the estates floral meadow" width="1000" height="664" />
One of Prince Harry&#8217;s favourite places, Coworth Park is elegant and romantic with an afternoon tea to match. You&#8217;re more likely to find Hazza on the polo field, but Head Pastry Chef, Lucy Jones&#8217; precision pastries, finger sarnies and scones will lure you in to The Drawing Room like the Bisto kids. Amazing selection of teas to choose from. £35 per person for the traditional.
Coworth Park, Blacknest Road, Ascot, Berkshire SL5 7SE. <a href="https://www.dorchestercollection.com/en/ascot/coworth-park/">www.dorchestercollection.com</a>.
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THE ROYAL ONE: The Bel &amp; The Dragon Windsor
<img decoding="async" loading="lazy" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-16888" src="https://berkshire.muddystilettos.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/sites/5/2018/08/Afternoon-tea-Bel-Dragon-Windsor-e1534263120525.jpg" alt="Afternoon tea Bel &amp; The Dragon Windsor Red teapot blue and white vintage china finger sandwiches and cakes tiered cakestand " width="1000" height="666" />
If we&#8217;re going to throw a Royal Wedding as fabulous as Harry and Meghan&#8217;s, we might as well flog it until Christmas. The Bel &amp; The Dragon Windsor is still offering its Royal Wedding Afternoon Tea and you&#8217;re so close to Windsor Castle you can practically boast the queen is sitting opposite you. For £17 pp (£24 with English sparkling wine) you&#8217;ll get Harry and Meghan&#8217;s wedding cake, House of Windsor scones, Scottish salmon, cucumber and egg sarnies, plus a large selection of teas. Shall I be Ma&#8217;am?
<a href="https://belandthedragon.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/04/Windsor-Afternoon-Tea-Royal-Wedding-April-2018.pdf" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer">belandthedragon.co.uk/windsor</a>

Let them eat cake

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